Passive Aggressive

I talk for my dog. I admit it. She has a voice and sometimes says inapropriate things. I know parents who do this with their children too. But it's called to my attention that I can be passive aggressive through her.



Hey guys, I'd really like to go outside!

 For example, we'll be walking around the neighborhood and I'll see a neighbor out watering her plants. Not feeling the most talkative, I'll stop for a few minutes and then "Charlotte" will need to get back home to eat, or nap or lay around. Why can't I just say Ok, I need to get going. It's safer for my dog to need me to leave. It's more comfortable if I have an excuse. It keeps me from any awkward silences or misteps.

But the reality is that lawn watering lady doesn't care how long I stay and chat or if I just walk by and wave. My interaction with her is a much bigger deal in my head than in real life. I think I'll keep Charlotte's voice confined to the privacy of my home where Barry can laugh at her ridiculous antics.

Fuzzy, Fuzzy Buns

Taking Charlotte to the groomer for the first time was a huge milestone for both of us. One of my friends interviews groomers before taking her Yorkie. She makes sure they understand her breed of dog, how to cut the hair of a small dog and even if they will express his anal gland. (eeewwwww!) If her groomer passes that test, then she is good enough for Charlotte.



Overtaken by Fur



I took Charlotte to meet Carla. Carla immediately fell in love with her. They got to know each other and I admired the two pups hanging out waiting for their moms. They were all cute, fluffy and clean. I left Charlotte and went to lunch.

Two hours later I got a call from Carla to come pick up Charlotte. Anxiously, I asked her how it went.

"Oh, she's such a good girl! I can tell you've been working with her." Wow, really? Maybe all of the training I was doing was actually making a difference.



Cute and Clean



I walked into the groomer's room to pick up my little girl and I barely recognized her. I could actually see her eyes. She looked like a little lady. She was even more beautiful and looked less puppy.

On the drive home she poked her head out the window and looked so happy. Then she peed on Barry's lap. Still a puppy afterall.



A letter to my Pup

Dear Charlotte,



Riding Together



When I saw your sweet little face for the first time I knew I was going to adopt you. I made Barry bring cash with us on our visit because the thought of not having the chance to take you home that day was already heartbreaking to me. You were so cute and tiny playing with your parents that evening. I didn't even flinch when your breeder told me your nickname was "Killer". I laugh about it now because I knew nothing about dogs, much less puppies. I didn't know I'd be up in the middle of the night taking you to the bathroom. I didn't know of your capcity to cry for two hours straight in your kennel. On day four, when we'd had a particularly hard night, I sat on the couch with you crying because I thought Barry would take you back. But he said to me, "When have we ever given up on anything?" I sat there all red eyed and snot-nosed and said, "Never. We've never given up on anything." Then I determined in my heart that no matter how hard it got or how much sleep I lost, I wouldn't freak out on you or take you back. You found a place deep in my heart and curled up in there. You like to burrow, so it's not surprising.



Riding in the Car





On her LoveSac thone



And then something amazing happened. Taking care of you became second nature. I can't remember not having you. I vaguely remember the quiet. You fit into my life. We play and walk a lot. You're not the greatest cuddler except when we're in the car and you lay in my lap. You're finicky when it comes to chews and treats. Sometimes you like it, other times you hide it and bring it out later. But you love to be around us, even if it's in the same room. I laugh when you lick my toes and I'm trying to teach you how to do eskimo kisses. You never come when I call you. In fact, you literally lay down and stretch your whole body out as if to say, "You come to me." But I love your little personality that needs to talk to me when I give you a command. I guess you're a little stubborn like me too. You love Barry and cry when he leaves the room. Yesterday you slept in front of the door while he napped on the other side. I don't blame you, I like to be around him as much as possible. You may be a dog, but you're my dog and a part of the family. I hope one day you'll be able to share us, but for now it's the three of us and it's perfect.



Love,

J



Asleep in her favorite corner



 







Bunny Dog in the Forest

Charlotte looks like a white rabbit when she runs full force. It is an understatement to say that I'm freaked out by the thought that my little white pup will be attacked by a forest predator. We have fox, coyote, the occasional bear and hawks. I think this clip from The Proposal sums up my fear. 




Kevin got off easy!

There is also a rumored story that over 50 dog collars were found in an eagles nest. Can an eagle carry off a six pound pup? Maybe my friend Cheryl, who is also an eagle expert, will weigh in on this and ease my fears.

Have you ever lost your dog? How do you keep the little ones safe?

Lilly and the Etiquette of Poop

I don't know how the rivalry started, but I remember how it ended.

Late one night I took Charlotte out to pee. In the dark a black lab stealthily creeped up to us like a panther ready to pounce. I grabbed Charlotte and held her close. I was ready for an attack. This dog sniffed a little, pooped near my feet and took off. Her mom called out, "Don't worry, it's just Lilly."

Lilly lives across the street and walks around the neighborhood off leash. A lot. Without her owners. Big dog off leash around my little dog equals nervous owner!

Charlotte would lead us across the street to eliminate. Most of the time it was near the side of the road on no ones particular property. Other times it was at Lilly's house. One time she even dropped off a pine cone near a rock, so Lilly could see it from behind her fence. It felt mocking. Or at least that's how my husband and I would talk about it.

Way to go Charlotte. You really showed her! (And then I would tell myself to get a life.)

One day I took Charlotte out to pee and she led me to Lilly's house again. In the middle of a poop Lilly's mom came out.

"Are you letting her poop right there?"

Letting her? I didn't think I had a choice. A dog's gotta go when she goes.

"I'll clean it up." Ugh. Why did I say that? Lilly comes up to our yard which is no where near the street just to poop.

"It's just that we're trying to do something with this area." What? Grow grass? We live in the forest.

I walked Charlotte home and grabbed a plastic bag. I walked back over and picked up her poop. Lilly's mom started to back down.

"Oh, you don't have to do that. It's so small, it's really not a big deal."

"No, I understand," I said. "We're trying to do something with our yard too and Lilly walks up there to poop sometimes."

"Oh. I didn't know. I'll try to keep her from doing that."

Charlotte and I walked away. I felt bad. I've lived in this neighborhood nine years and the first time I talk to this neighbor is about our dog's poop. Nice.

I took Charlotte around the block to clear my head. I need to make this right. I don't want to be that neighbor that lets her dog poop anywhere and isn't friendly.

We made our way back to Lilly's house where my neighbors sat on their porch.

"Hey, I think we got off to a bad start talking about our dog's poop. I'm Julia and this Charlotte."

We must have talked for 15 minutes about our pups, work, and her husband's terminal illness. They're no longer just Lilly's parents. They have names and stories.

And I'm no longer imagining a rivalry. I also pick up  my dog's poop.

Emotional Decision

First Day Together

I don't know why most people adopt puppies. I only know why I adopted Charlotte. I try to be very practical in my decision making and she was completely an emotional decision.

Last July my husband and I decided it was time to expand our family. I got pregnant right away. Our babe was scheduled to arrive near the end of his master's program, just in time to help us usher into a new season of life. One where I would work less than full time, join MOPS and speak baby babble.

At my first appointment I was 10 weeks. There was no heartbeat. There was no baby.

To say that I was devestated would be an understatement. I never understood the all encompassing pain that comes with losing a child. A child that was planned. Wanted. Loved.

We waited the obligatory 2-3 cycles to try again. I got through the holidays with family and put on a brave face when well wishers told me "everything happens for a reason," or "God has a plan" or "God is in control." All of those statements fell on deaf ears and rang hollow. Meaningless.

Once we tried for the second time I got pregnant right away. But this time was different. This time my innocence was gone. Every twinge or odd sympton had my mind racing. Google became my frenemy. I imagined the worst but hoped for the best.

At my first appointment I was 8 weeks. There was no heartbeat. There was no baby.

There are no answers for why this happened. It's only been a couple months and I'm not interested in finding out right now. It could be serious. It could be chromosomal abnormalities. This time less people knew so there were no well wishers.

I'd like to think that grief really does come in stages and that I've gone through them with ease, marking time until we can try again. But the fact is grief is messy. Grief is embarrassing. It doesn't have respect for the fact that I have a full time job. It doesn't care that I have company coming over. It shows up in public and makes a mess of things. It opened up my life to those that may or may not be careful with it. It's an ongoing process that comes in waves. Today I'm okay with the fact that I don't have a baby. Tomorrow I might not be. It's just that simply complicated.

So when my husband told me he wanted to get me a puppy I jumped at the offer. Charlotte has been the greatest distraction and the biggest reason I know I'm capable of love.

Best emotional decision ever.

Worst Pets Ever

Guinea pig. Turtles. Fish. Silk worms.

What do these animals have in common?

They were my childhood pets. The guinea pig, specifically, was mine for a short period of time before I realized I was completely allergic to her. She was also really boring for a young girl. I watched her sit in her cage and ...well, that was it. I eventually gave her to a preschool class.

The other animals aren't worth talking about. The turtles were eaten by raccoons. The fish eventually had to be flushed. The soft silk worms turned into nasty, dusty moths and flew away.

Every member of my family is allergic to at least one real pet with fur. Cats. Dogs. Guinea pigs.

My mom would load me and my siblings up on Benadryl to prepare for sleepovers or even just a BBQ.

Better than a bunny

My best friend, Steph, practically grew up on a farm they had so many animals. I was in LOVE with her rabbit! But, Joey would not sit still long enough for a short cuddle. And then I had to wash my hands immediately after contact.

You can imagine my joyful, yet skeptical surprise, when I found out about hypoallergenic dogs. A dog that doesn't shed or cause sneezing, itching or watery eyes?! Where can I get such a creature? (This was before the internet.)

It wouldn't be until years later that I finally adopted little Charlotte. I'm not a dog person. So this has been interesting...

First Time Dog Owner

I'd really like to get you a puppy for your birthday.

Really?

My sweet husband of almost nine years said this to me after many years of thinking of all the reasons NOT to get a dog. I started looking for my pup right away. Two day days later I came across an ad for a Maltese puppy. I was sent this picture via text.




Baby Charlotte



How could I not visit this sweet baby girl? I knew I would take this tiny two pound bundle of cuteness home. Thus began our adventures in raising Charlotte, the sweet pup that has changed my life.

This blog is dedicated to my family. For the next year I will share about Charlotte and new beginnings. I hope you will join me.